In my previous post, I talked about Rhys' first month with us. Here now is my account of his 2nd and final month (July 2 - August 6) with us.
As I look back on his last month with us, I remember that his behavior was escalating to the point that he was becoming unruly and undisciplined. It's probably because he's beginning to realize that his mom was not taking him back and that his being with us isn't a vacation but an actual transfer. He realizes that his mom doesn't exactly show him enough love because he comments about the fact that the things I do with Dana and Dylan he doesn't experience with his mom. He also has had to face ugly facts about his life - like Jericho not being his real dad and that he doesn't actually know who his real dad is except for his name. He also keeps on looking at the kids' photo albums which document most of their childhood, something that he doesn't have, the physical photos, not the childhood.
So I can understand the reasons for his acting up. However, things are being aggravated by the fact that his mom has up to this time refused to give her financial contribution to us - something that we're also desperately in need of because, to be honest, we aren't exactly rolling in money and, let's face it, an added mouth to feed really needs additional finances. It's also what the siblings have agreed upon so...
Things kind of came to a head on July 16th, when we had to take him back to his mom because he and I had a showdown. While he's here, I would supervise his and Dylan's homework and I noticed that Ate Mel was getting really frustrated with him because he wasn't paying attention. Ate Mel can't teach Dylan until Rhys was finished and it was taking them a long time. When I took over the study session, he was supposed to memorize our address for an oral exam in school. It took him 5 hours before he actually did it. It was just too much. I will no longer go into the details but I tried every sort of technique to get him to memorize but it wasn't getting into his head. My son who had a speech problem was able to memorize the address faster than him and that's saying a lot! Needless to say, I had frayed nerves and that kind of behavior extended over up to the next day and Patrick was here at that time and he observed how Rhys was and it was he who decided that the stress levels in the house were going through the roof and that it was time for the family to take a break from him.
He stayed with Stevie and Toni from July 18 to July 21. He had to return to our house because Friday, he had an ID Picture taking for school. On Monday (July 18), I had to go to his school to ask Teacher Dory for some patience because we still hadn't paid for Rhys' school. While Rhys was with Stevie and Toni, Patrick talked with Dimples about her plans for her son. Apparently, she was planning on moving to a new apartment and not taking into consideration that her son will have to travel far to get to his school. Her solution, that he stop schooling. Our original recommendation was for her to find an apartment somewhere closer to where her son goes to school, so she can still have someone caring for him while she's working and that she can take Rhys back when she comes back from work, preferably that she also get a day shift, for both their sake.
Rhys returned Friday but spent the weekend with her mom and Jericho. This struck me funny because it was supposed to be just the two of them. Bringing Jericho back into the equation makes me think that she needed someone else to take care of her son. Anyway, it turned out that making him spend time with his mom backfired because after that, he was just crying non-stop everyday. No matter how many times I explain to him, he will just cry and cry the whole day, even while in school. He was also very disruptive in class requiring Teacher Dory to put him a bit further away from his classmates. His situation was aggravated too when Dimples was supposed to pick him up for lunch during the weekend (July 31) but she arrived late in the afternoon. She also didn't want to pay the full amount of P5K for the month of June until Patrick left her no choice so she complied.
On Monday, I was able to pay the school from the money that she gave. All through the week, Rhys was just crying although to be honest, after his talk with Erghie about remembering his mom even while she wasn't here helped a little. When Dimples was here that Sunday, she mentioned that she's hiring a babysitter to look after Rhys in their apartment which meant that she'll be getting Rhys by Friday. Unfortunately, the yaya didn't arrive as planned but we felt that it was a blessing in disguise. It meant that she would be able to take care of her son by herself so on Saturday, we brought Rhys back with her for good.
It was a relief to have him gone from our lives. Peace settled in. It's unfortunate though that she didn't continue his education. At first, I was worried but I let it go. It wasn't my responsibility anymore. If she doesn't want to sacrifice her easygoing ways and focus on raising her kid right, that's her problem not mine. She hasn't even paid for her financial support for July. Enough said on that...
Goodbye and Good Riddance!
Dana's Grade II Field Trip
One of the activities that Dana really looks forward to during a school year is the Field Trip. This year, the whole school all went to Batis Aramin in Lucban, Quezon. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to go with her because of all the stress that I was in which caused me endless migraines and hyperacidity. I wasn't really fit to travel. So, she went with her Ate Mel instead. Here are her pics. Above, on the left, she's on the bus going to the destination. They experienced some trouble before departing because the buses got delayed and they arrived rather late. But nothing can dampen their spirits especially when they saw the place. They had time to swim, ride the zip line, go around the replica of Noah's ark and go climb the really steep and really high Kamay ni Hesus, which was sort of like a lifelike Way of the Cross. After changing and resting a bit, you'll see how happy she was on the above right picture.
To the right, she's trying out this rope obstacle course. She really loved it. On the right, she's here at the base of the entrance to the hotel. It's such a huge place that it was disappointing they never got around to really exploring every nook and cranny. Meanwhile, here's a video of her on the zipline. Can you hear her scream? LOL
Rhys' first month with us
When we agreed to take in Rhys with us, we were only concerned with providing him with a stable environment and for him to continue his education. We knew that we won't be able to treat him like one of our own kids, because he isn't that and he has his own mother and we're not trying to replace her, but we, Patrick and I, agreed that we'd be as fair and equal as we can.
The first week that he was here, you can see that he's still adjusting to being in a new environment. He'd be polite and quiet. We're grateful to Jericho for teaching him how to be independent, for teaching him how to brush his teeth on his own, how to take a bath on his own and he even puts his own dishes in the sink. How's that for independence?
It was also the perfect time to be here because he had a week to get adjusted before he started at his new school. We all got a move on to bring him here with us primarily because school was starting and at that point, he wasn't enrolled in any school. Dimples apparently didn't prepare enough money for his tuition. So, Patrick and I forked out the initial deposit, Stevie and Toni contributed for his uniforms, shoes and other school supplies. Dimples couldn't give at this time because she started a new job, or rather went back to her old job but was starting over yet again.
It was like starting new with Rhys. We had to buy most of his stuff, not just for school but for the home. He basically had no clothes (his old ones were really old). He had no shoes but two pairs that were again, old. He had no toys with him except for Dipstick the stuffed toy dog, which was old too. When asked about his other toys, he had some but were broken and old. So it basically fell upon us to provide what we can. So, when we were buying all these new stuff for him, he couldn't believe it. It was eerily pathetic that a kid will be so surprised that someone was buying all these things for him. Does it mean that he rarely gets anything new or he rarely goes shopping for himself?
We had plenty of time with him even though school started because there were a lot of storms that caused the cancellation of some classes. He was excited to start school and he had no apprehensions because he knew that Dylan went to the same. However, as he became accustomed to his environment, he started being talkative in school and even managed a temper tantrum where he threw his books at Teacher Dory. This necessitated him being isolated from his classmates for the duration of the classes and for the week that followed.
He was also showing signs of being resistant with the rules in the house. We understood that he wasn't used to rules if he's left alone by himself most of the time when he was with his mom and Jericho. It just became irritating that whenever we'd tell him to be quiet or to calm himself down, he'd just laugh in your face. Whenever there was food on the table or when someone was going to eat something, he'll be there waiting. Was this boy starved at some point in his life? That's the kind of behavior you often see when you feed street children. They will stuff so much food in their mouths to the point of nausea because they believe that they'll never have that chance again. He also didn't want to share his only toys (again, understandably because they mean so much to him). But, when told that he needed to share because Dana and Dylan were sharing their toys with him, he found a way to share but only when it was convenient for him. Hmm..
I also found out that he had a mean streak. He purposefully broke one of the chairs from Dana's doll house. He looked at it, stepped on it and crushed it. Then, he calmly picked it up and threw it in the trash. He thought nobody was looking. But he was wrong. I saw it and when I asked him about it. He said, it was nothing. Lying to my face too. Another hmmm....
There were still a number of incidents that I will refrain from mentioning because this will just become too tedious and too epic. Yes, he's polite. Yes, he speaks English. But over-all, he wasn't a good influence on our kids. Dana and Dylan never lied. They don't even know how. Now they do. They used to be able to play quietly and yes, they can be boisterous too but when you tell them to be quiet, they will. Now, you need to really raise your voice for them to listen to you.
Do I regret our decision to take him in, NO. We had to try. We owe it to Dad. But we will always put our kids first and foremost. If our family was getting too broken up and too affected by all the stress in the house, then we have to stop. But for now, we will persevere.
More to come.
June 6th - July 1st
The first week that he was here, you can see that he's still adjusting to being in a new environment. He'd be polite and quiet. We're grateful to Jericho for teaching him how to be independent, for teaching him how to brush his teeth on his own, how to take a bath on his own and he even puts his own dishes in the sink. How's that for independence?
It was also the perfect time to be here because he had a week to get adjusted before he started at his new school. We all got a move on to bring him here with us primarily because school was starting and at that point, he wasn't enrolled in any school. Dimples apparently didn't prepare enough money for his tuition. So, Patrick and I forked out the initial deposit, Stevie and Toni contributed for his uniforms, shoes and other school supplies. Dimples couldn't give at this time because she started a new job, or rather went back to her old job but was starting over yet again.
It was like starting new with Rhys. We had to buy most of his stuff, not just for school but for the home. He basically had no clothes (his old ones were really old). He had no shoes but two pairs that were again, old. He had no toys with him except for Dipstick the stuffed toy dog, which was old too. When asked about his other toys, he had some but were broken and old. So it basically fell upon us to provide what we can. So, when we were buying all these new stuff for him, he couldn't believe it. It was eerily pathetic that a kid will be so surprised that someone was buying all these things for him. Does it mean that he rarely gets anything new or he rarely goes shopping for himself?
We had plenty of time with him even though school started because there were a lot of storms that caused the cancellation of some classes. He was excited to start school and he had no apprehensions because he knew that Dylan went to the same. However, as he became accustomed to his environment, he started being talkative in school and even managed a temper tantrum where he threw his books at Teacher Dory. This necessitated him being isolated from his classmates for the duration of the classes and for the week that followed.
He was also showing signs of being resistant with the rules in the house. We understood that he wasn't used to rules if he's left alone by himself most of the time when he was with his mom and Jericho. It just became irritating that whenever we'd tell him to be quiet or to calm himself down, he'd just laugh in your face. Whenever there was food on the table or when someone was going to eat something, he'll be there waiting. Was this boy starved at some point in his life? That's the kind of behavior you often see when you feed street children. They will stuff so much food in their mouths to the point of nausea because they believe that they'll never have that chance again. He also didn't want to share his only toys (again, understandably because they mean so much to him). But, when told that he needed to share because Dana and Dylan were sharing their toys with him, he found a way to share but only when it was convenient for him. Hmm..
I also found out that he had a mean streak. He purposefully broke one of the chairs from Dana's doll house. He looked at it, stepped on it and crushed it. Then, he calmly picked it up and threw it in the trash. He thought nobody was looking. But he was wrong. I saw it and when I asked him about it. He said, it was nothing. Lying to my face too. Another hmmm....
There were still a number of incidents that I will refrain from mentioning because this will just become too tedious and too epic. Yes, he's polite. Yes, he speaks English. But over-all, he wasn't a good influence on our kids. Dana and Dylan never lied. They don't even know how. Now they do. They used to be able to play quietly and yes, they can be boisterous too but when you tell them to be quiet, they will. Now, you need to really raise your voice for them to listen to you.
Do I regret our decision to take him in, NO. We had to try. We owe it to Dad. But we will always put our kids first and foremost. If our family was getting too broken up and too affected by all the stress in the house, then we have to stop. But for now, we will persevere.
More to come.
June 6th - July 1st
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