Nuffnang

Mom's 1st death anniversary

It's hard to believe but it's already been one year since my mother's accident, since she died. I can't believe that time went by so fast. For every day that passed over this year, I never failed to talk to her in my head. There are a lot of moments when I remember her and I just end up weeping and crying like silly. Honestly, as I write this, tears are already pooling in my eyes.

I try and keep her memory alive. It's unfortunate that she left this plane without ever having hugged or kissed Dana and Dylan. That's what I regret the most. That my kids didn't have enough time to bond with her. That's why I keep telling stories about her to my kids so that they'll know her even though she's gone.

I miss having her around to chat with about everything under the sun. She's such an intelligent person but she's also very silly. Now that some parts of the house are being renovated, I talk to her like she's here watching everything that's happening :) This was one of her dreams - to have the house renovated, to correct for past mistakes. It's ironic that the money being used for the renovations came from her death.

When I asked God for money for these renovations, I didn't ask that He take my mother's life in exchange. If I knew that this was how my prayers will be answered, then I wouldn't have asked for it. I'd have preferred to have my mother alive and us penniless. It's not worth it.

Moving on, I just live by what she taught me from her speech to her actions and hope that when we meet someday she'll be proud of me.

6 comments:

  1. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug, Rachel. I can feel your love for your mom coming through in your post. :)

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  2. Taminator,

    Thanks for your comment and I'm glad that you can feel the emotion I had while writing it. That makes it alright :)

    -rachel

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  3. has it been a year? how time flies but how the pain remains.. CArry on girl, you are doing magnificently. YOur Mom is mightily proud of you. I am sure of that. I am proud of you..proud to have known a good and strong woman and prouder even that you consider me a friend.. mwah.

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  4. Judd,

    Your words leave me feeling so loved as well. I'm glad that you think Mom is proud of me.. that's what I always strive for anyway :) Love ya!!

    -rachel

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  5. Rachel - I'm a little slow (what elase is new right?) but hope you got through the day ok and are doing good. We're here for you!

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  6. Kris,

    Better late than no comment at all :) Things were pretty okay, emotions were on the level :) I appreciate the support :) Thanks :)

    Rachel

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Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave your thoughts :)